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Body Shaming: Why “you lose weight!” or “you gaine weight!” are not (always) compliments

How important it is to change the mentality on non-conforming bodies and the value that is given to beauty by avoiding body shaming

body shaming, plus size men

It seems nowadays that telling people how much they lost weight (if fat) or gained weight (if thin) can be the most pleasing compliment to do.

But there are various misconceptions in this interaction.

First of all, unless they are close friends (or person you are familiar to) that changed diet to lose or put weight (in that case if you do not compliment you would be an asshole!), you shouldn’t compliment people for the change of their body. Because you don’t know the reasons why this thing happened. They may have an eating disorder, be sick, or just spend a terrible periodo. And what looks good to you may not actually be for them.

Moreover, if you see fat or thin poeple that are cute, pleasant, happy, beautiful, and you attribute this thing to their body, unconsciously (or consciously) you are creating the prejudice that it is impossible for them to be beautiful and positive in the body they already have. You probably think of people as unpleasant, unattractive and not beautiful as fat or thin and perhaps even the fattest or thinner memories of what they are in reality. But if weight and beauty cannot coexist in your mind there is a problem.

body shaming, plus size men

Body shaming: the judgment of others’ bodies and the compliments

Does this mean that we cannot get compliments and everyone becomes too touchy? NO.

Even if the more people become aware of themselves, the less they become touchy, poeple are not obliged to accept a compliment based on the assumption that their body is not desirable. It’s not a question of being offended or being touchy, but it’s a question of changing the mentality of non-conforming bodies and the value that is given to beauty avoiding body shaming.

If we talk less about bodies, perhaps there wouldn’t be 10 years old children expressing insecurity, shame, desire to cover up and disgust for their bodies. And I’m not speaking only about fat children: I speak, for example, of male children who are ashamed of being too thin, not having muscles and still feel inadequate at an age when one should simply think of growing up.

That’s why talking about others’ bodies is wrong and for many people it can be dangerous. These are mechanisms that I used too, these are things that I have understood over time. AndI think it is right to improve from today onwards.

[this post is inspired by the Stories of the Instagram account @belledifaccia … follow them!]

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