Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
Every woman has the experience of growing up in a world where her body is constantly being examined and distorted. From weight to hair and makeup, women easily experience the meaning of body shaming on their skin. The shame that comes from judging a body.
But while women sadly have to bear the enormous burden of unrealistic standards to be met in order to make themselves physically attractive, most of them are at least spared the pressure on their genitals. Something in which men seem to be masters.
Why do they dick shaming?
The main function of making penis size jokes is to attack that person’s manhood. And this is probably what allows women to be excluded from such shaming. No man and no woman would (rightly) undermining a person’s femininity just because of how her vagina is made.
However, this doesn’t seem to be possible to men. Indeed, for men (and some women) penis size becomes something inherently shameful and ridiculous if it doesn’t meet a certain standard. Because the bigger the penis, the more aggressive and powerful (and therefore manly) that person will be. And that’s why dick shaming is done.
Yet this thought reinforces the harmful idea that aggression and power are the only acceptable expressions for a man to express his masculinity. This encourages men to demonstrate their skills to avoid further humiliation. Dick shaming reinforces traditional gender roles by telling men that they will be “real men” as long as they are aggressive.
Dick shaming affects sexuality in general (not just for men)
Dick shaming not only affects people who have a penis, but also all those who have sex with someone who has a penis, which also means a lot of women. In fact, penis size is not a sure indicator of sexual performance to allow the partner to enjoy sex or reach orgasm.
All this therefore not only affects a man’s sexuality, but sexuality in general. Because if “being a man” can’t mean other things – such as being sensitive, empathetic, caring and selfless (even in the sexual sphere) – this will continue to lead men to look for sex as the only form of demonstration of their manhood. And there would be nothing wrong with having consensual sex with all the people we are attracted to, but in this way sex becomes an elusive opportunity, a toxic right in which there will hardly be room for respect and consent.
Being ashamed of something you have no control over makes no sense
Men can’t do much to control the penis size. Which means that these people are being made fun of for something they have no control over.
Consciously ridiculing someone for it supports oppression, internalized feelings of shame, and the implicit idea that a person is worthless because of their body. And it is unfair to base people’s worth on what that person may perceive as a physical defect. If people are born a certain way with a certain aspect over which they have no control, no one has the authority to mock them or say they have less value.
This way of acting doesn’t differ much from the judgment that has been given for millennia to weight, skin, clothing size and all other superficial measurements to indicate the worth of a woman.
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash
Why avoid dick shaming
Perhaps it would be better if we, as a society, began to stop discussing these things. And just as women manage to live better when they are finally no longer judged for their bodies, men can live better when they know that the only person who will ever need to know about their penis size is simply themselves.
Also, the dick shaming problem isn’t something that only affects men. Judging people by their penis reinforces the idea that only men have a penis. Thus excluding all trans people with a penis and stigmatizing the bodies of intersex people.
For those (like me) who believe a more inclusive world is important, fighting dick shaming is something that can therefore not only benefit men but many other people (who are not cisgenders).
