Foto di Anna Shevchuk
Masculinity, as currently defined by our culture, is a narrow, rigid and inflexible category. For this reason many aspects of contemporary masculinity are defined as “toxic”, which means that they produce social damage.
The fact that masculinity can be toxic doesn’t mean that men are inherently bad. Rather the cultural roles that we are forced to interpret produce these harmful effects.
Why toxic masculinity?
Generally the standards of masculinity have a dark side. Because they refer to regressive aspects of being human. At some point in the past it probably had sense having a gender dedicated to hunting and another dedicated to the growth of the family. Perhaps it was useful. But what is the point today of believing that people should be distinguished according to anatomy, that they must be subject to expectations chained to their genitals and that they cannot freely choose their social roles and the identity most suited to themselves?/p>
Ideal as physical strength or sexual power become problematic when they are established as standard attributes to be achieved. And it’s this that leads men to feel more insecure, more anxious and that drives them to use force, violence and aggression to feel and be seen as dominant and controlling, becoming toxic.
There are typical positive aspects of masculinity. Like the concept of leadership, strength of purpose, protection. But we must eliminate all the harmful aspects deriving from this mentality. Like the shame of what is femininely ours, the definition of norms for male body, the rejection of our emotional manifestations, the dependence on power through physical ability, the objectification of women and in general practicing any form of oppression which produces inequality
Toxic masculinity doesn’t only affect men, but it is also one of the side effects of patriarchy. Helping to spread misogyny, gender-based violence, the degradation of women and what is femininity.
Foto di Rafael Cerqueira
What can masculinity be?
Masculinity is a product of relationships and behaviors, not a fixed set of identities and attributes. This is why there are many masculinities.
These forms of masculinity emerge when men do not pay attention to the cultural standards of what “is a man”, but express themselves honestly with their attributes and their identity. And this can mean, for example, expressing themselves behaving or doing things traditionally considered feminine without being ashamed of it. It means being socially collaborative, having the desire to serve others, being in harmony with our own beauty and that of others, shaping one’s authenticity, courage and ethical sense. It means having something to say about politics as much as about skin care, justice and fashion, sport and art, without these things cancel each other out
Closing out of the world and refusing to be who we are, for fear of the reaction of those around us, is not a sign of strength. Feeling open and sincere requires strength. Compassion, kindness, respect and generosity requires strength. Re-evaluating our vulnerability is a sign of strength. Because doing it we zero its power over us, and we help other men do the same.
Breaking down these constructs is not easy. I understand. Growing up, we challenge ourselves. We must be harder, stronger, more courageous. But are we brave enough to be vulnerable? Asking for help to another man? Are we strong enough to be sensitive? To cry when we’re sick or happy, even if it makes us look weak? Are we confident enough to hear women we have next to us (partners, friends or colleagues)? Listening to their ideas and solutions? Believe in what they say, even if they are critical of us?
And will we be men enough to go against other men when we hear “locker room talk”? When we hear about stories of assaults, even sexual ones? When will our friends talk about slap on ass or “those fa*gots”? Will we really go against him and do something so that one day we won’t live in a world where a woman, a black person or a person with another identity or orientation must risk everything, even life?
This is what it means to be a man. And we have no more excuses for pretending not to know it.
